Heads up! This message may challenge you but it is necessary.
Relationships are more of a spiritual thing than they are a natural thing. The one of the main reasons why you have strained relationships is because your relationship with God may be strained. Relationships starts with God. He needs to be at the forefront always. For example, marriage is a spiritual thing. It won’t work if God is not not the centre of your marriage. You se,e not having a relationship with God has a snowball effect. No relationship with God means your marriage will be strained, then that filters through the way you parent. If you don’t have a relationship with God, there is just no chance of bearing fruit in spiritual things.
What destroys relationships and what builds them?
In the same way, even though we are many individuals, Christ makes us one body and individuals who are connected to each other.
Romans 12:5
It’s inevitable that in the body of Christ we won’t always agree with one other because we are all different. The only people who agree on everything are dead people. If you are alive and alive in Christ, you are going to have disagreements. You won’t always see eye to eye. You should be concerned if you don’t have conflict. You know why? Because conflict is a sign of growth. One of the purposes of Destiny Groups, is to teach us relational skills. The relational skills you will learn in Destiny Groups will filter throughout various avenues in your life. E.g., work and home.
How do we stay connected? We’ve got to become good at having healthy relationships.
Every relational problem comes down to one of 4 negative attitudes.
The truth is it doesn’t always come down to the devil. It’s mostly up to us.
- Selfishness – This is probably one of the biggest problems you’ll have in any relationship. Human nature insists that we always think about ourselves first. It’s all about me, myself, and I. If your approach to relationships is selfishness, you are bound to butt heads with people. Often, we put more energy into building relationships than maintaining them. Selfishness destroys relationships, selflessness builds them.
Selfishness only causes trouble. You are much better off to trust the Lord.
Proverbs 28:25
Selfishness = “Me, myself and I”
Selflessness = “How better can I serve you”
And look out for one another’s interests, not just for your own.
Philippians 2:4
Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others – ignoring God! harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.
Galatians 6:7-8
First respond to God, not what others do.
My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God’s Spirit. Then you won’t feed the compulsions of selfishness.
Galatians 5: 16
If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.
Matthew 10:39
- Pride – This leads to conflict
Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.
Proverbs 13:10
Pride is expressed in:
- Criticism
- Competitiveness and Comparing
- Cannot admit when you are struggling/wrong
Likewise you younger people submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothes with humility, for “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”
1 Peter 5:5
Grace is unlimited, the access you have to grace is unlimited. But the degree to which you operate in humility will limit the grace extended to you. Whatever relationship you’re in, you need to be humble. If you want grace in your relationships, or marriage be humble.
4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. 5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. 6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. 7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, 8 He humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
Philippians 2: 4-8
The attitude that Jesus had was never arrogant because of the favour that was upon Him. Instead, He humbled Himself because he knew he was a servant of the people. So, our question to you is, in our relationships, how much are we serving one another? Not just to feel better about ourselves but really asking how can you serve someone else. If you are going to try and do this on your own strength, it wont work. Because selflessness is not human nature.
We will get to points 3 and 4 of the 4 negative attitudes in relationships next week.
